From Stalkers, To Superstars: David Otunga

To David Otunga/ Mr Jennifer Hudson

I don’t want to alarm you David. I know it might come as a shock that anybody likes you, but I’m your BIGGEST fan. I know this as fact because I’m one of two people that like you, the other being yourself and I’m pretty certain that I love you more than you love yourself, no matter how much that is. To me David you’re the perfect role model. 

You show me how much you can accomplish with so little talent. Just look at you David, you’re not very good in the ring, you clearly have very little microphone skills and lack very little passion for the business. How you ever got a job in the WWE in the first place astounds me. 

But, there you are, on live television every week doing something that thousands of people would love to do. You are the true embodiment of every man’s dream and a prime example of getting far with very little talent. In my opinion, every barely average man in the world should look up to you and take note. 

Take your wife for example; she’s hot, talented and very well accomplished. Everything you’re not. Most men of your adequacy wouldn’t even talk to her. But not you David, not you at all. You did more than talk to her, you married that woman and used her status to get your dream job. By dream job, I clearly mean looking at your reflection in the camera lens because it’s evident by your monotonic personality that you have no passion for the wrestling business.  To me you’re the embodiment of the perfect man and someone I aspire to be. 

I have an average job as a shoe salesman and I have never excelled in anything in my life, but I’m not going to let that stop me. Oh No! I’m going to be a big star someday, just like you. You have made me believe David, because let’s be honest, I must have more talent than you. It’s with you in mind that I have been trawling the bars of L.A looking for a wife as famous as yours. However, I have to say I haven’t been successful. I did get an offer from Kelly Osborne, but I turned her down. I bet even you wouldn’t stoop that low right?

Before leaving you David, I do have one more thing to say. Don’t listen to the guys on TV, David. I know Jerald Lawler has been making fun of you recently for not having a personality, but I just want you to know, you don’t need to change to be liked. You could change and it would probably benefit your career, but Changing for the better is not in the David Otunga spirit. You just need to be your mediocre self and expect everyone to do everything for you. That’s the David Otunga, I certainly have come to know and love. 

Until next time David, keep being average.

Sincerely, Charles Montgomery Mc Manus (The Big Cheese).

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Until next time, Enjoy the Show. 

Daniel Morris.