My Letter to Zack Ryder
Why I should be Broski of the Week.
Dear Zack, Mr Ryder, Long Island Iced Z
HI Zack. I am sending this letter in the hope that you consider me to be the next Broski of the Week. I think I am a perfect candidate and I truly hope you consider my plea. I like to think of myself as a mini Zack Ryder (well I’m seven foot eight and weigh as much as a small truck, but you know what I mean). Being named Broski of the Week would give me something to live for. Also, my Therapist would be overjoyed, as she has been encouraging me to assert myself.
I think I’m a perfect candidate for Broski of the week. I too share a love for boy bands. I can be found in many a discothèque on a Saturday night boogying to the Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block and my personal favourite N-Sync. Just last week I got in a fight with a local DJ who insisted that POP By N-Sync was not the greatest song in the world and in fact was actually a “Footnote in mediocrity”. However, Zack I managed to convince him otherwise and I am sure N-Sync will now be a major part of his life (as I inserted one Vinyl copy of POP into his rectum).
Another reason that I should be considered to be Broski of the Week is my impressive skills with the ladies. I don’t mean to brag but I am quite the ladies man. It is very rare that any female will say no to my advances. Being somewhat overweight and with facial growths that disgust, one Doctor stated ‘The Elephant man has more physical appeal’ you may ask how is it that I get any ladies? Well Zack, the answer to that is persistence.
When I see a woman that appeals to me, which is pretty much any woman, I beg and plead and beg and plead until they say yes. Sometimes if a woman is especially hard willed I break out my special move. I won’t go into too much detail, but it involves excessive weeping and handcuffing myself to their ankle. Now some people may see this as a tad pathetic, but I know Zack that you will not be one of them. I know that you will appreciate the effort I go to attract the opposite sex. If you make me Broski of the week, I will be happy to teach you everything I know, because let’s face it you’re not much to look at yourself.
I am not just a fan of you as a person but as an entertainer. One of my dreams in life is to barely appear on television and you are achieving that dream ‘week in week out’. Not only do you steal the show in the five seconds that you are on it, but you are completely selfless by allowing all the other talent the WWE has to offer to appear on the show instead of you. I mean if the WWE put the titles on the Bella’s then surely the creative team has been knocking down your door to give you a huge push.
I know everything about your career and can beckon on your greatest work at anytime. From your Wrestlemania 27 appearance where you allowed Roddy Pipper to hit you on the head with a coconut all for the sake of comedy to one of the greatest matches of all time. Yes, your number one contender match against Sheamus. OK, Sheamus may have got lucky that night, but your performance in that match proved to the world that you will be a jewel in the WWE crown for many years to come.
What I’m trying to say is Zack; I know you and love you, maybe more than your own parents (you would never find me dressed up like John Morrison). I think we share a bond unparalleled by anybody. If you made me Broski of the Week, I believe that we have the potential to become the new Mork and Mindy, the new Turner and Hooch, The new Woody and Buzz.
I hope you consider my request and I look forward to your reply. If you don’t want send me a letter back, you will be able to find me in the bushes outside your house every Thursday night from the hours of 10.pm to 1.am.
With all my heart, proud member of the Zack Pack,
Daniel Morris.
P.S If you make me Broski of the Week, I will show you my extensive wrestling action figure collection. I have over 70 different wrestlers, all missing their heads.
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it. I'm planning to write a film/comic article sometime soon. Don't forget to add me on facebook.
Daniel Morris
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