Five Gimmicks that wouldn't work in PG

Five Gimmicks that wouldn’t work in PG

The attitude gave birth to some of the biggest names in WWE history. However, it’s not just the main event level talent that was great in the attitude era. People lower down the card were still hugely popular. You had people like Too Cool and Al Snow still getting pretty big pops, without ever getting out of the mid card. 

A main reason of this is the gimmicks offered. Because of the product’s R rating, creative had more room to make colourful characters, and for one reason or another, these characters really shone in the attitude era. However, some of these characters would not work now. 

Today, I’ll run down five superstars whose gimmicks wouldn’t/couldn’t work in today’s PG world. 

5. The Godfarther

Character in the attitude era: 

In the attitude era, The Godfarther was a cigar smoking, colourful hat wearing, ho train leading pimp. And man, he was great at it. The Godfarther got pretty over in the Attitude Era due to his fun and loving personality. I think the line of pretty ladies following him to the ring could have helped. 

If he was PG: 

Instead of a pimp, my guess is godfather would be a colourful business man. The outfits would be the same. But, gone would be the ho’s, the ho train and any mention of the word pimp. Either that or he would just continue his Goodfather gimmick from a few years ago. 

4. Val Venis

Character in the attitude era: 

Val Venis was a porn star who wrestled on the side. He came to the ring to some cheesy Jazz, wearing short tights and a towel. Whilst, in the ring he would proceed to cut an innuendo fest of a promo, while being screamed at by the ladies in the audience. It’s an easy life, ey?

If he was PG:

Instead of a porn star, my guess would be that Val Venis would be something silly like a children’s entertainer. Gone would be the dirty promos and the slow Jazz, and in would be a colourful looking outfit and maybe a puppet. Quite a character shift, but I guess it could work. 

3. Mark ‘Sexual Chocolate’ Henry 

Character in the attitude era: 

In the attitude era, Mark was known as ‘Sexual Chocolate’. He would fraternize with woman of all shapes and sizes, being known as the ladies man. This came to fruition, when he was found in bed with old timer, Mae Young, who shortly gave birth to a hand. You gotta love the attitude era. 

If he was PG:

This is just a wild guess, but Mark Henry would become a goofy babyface for years. This will cause him to slip down the roster, not quite getting over. Until, he became a one man wrecking machine, getting pretty over in the meantime. That’s just a guess mind. 

 2. Sable
 

In the attitude era:

Sable was responsible for a huge boom of woman’s entertainment in the attitude era. I say entertainment, because a lot of it wasn’t to do with wrestling. She came to the ring, in pretty much nothing and guys went wild. 

If she was PG: 

Well, the outfits would be gone. Nowadays, there are only two female characters in the WWE. Meaning that Sable would be either a happy go lucky babyface or a bitchy heel. Choices, choices ey? At least they won’t give her a fart gimmick, that’s Natalya’s job. 

1.Kane

In the attitude era:

Kane arrived as the brother of The Undertaker. After their feud, he became a lone warrior, who cut promos about being locked in a basement, playing with razor blades and maiming small animals. He also spoke with an artificial voice box and was known as the ‘Big Red Retard’. 

If he was PG: 

Throughout the year, the character of Kane has pretty much stayed the same. But, the gritty realism has gone. Now, Kane’s character is a supernatural being, who can cast a red light onto the whole building and whose storylines feel like an 80’s B horror movie. It could be worse; they could bring Isaac Yank’em back. 

Well there we have five characters that wouldn’t or couldn’t work in the Attitude Era. Something which really saddens me. I just want to see thirteen year old boys screaming ‘Pimpin’ ain’t easy’ again. 

Until next time, enjoy the show.

Feel free to comment below. Or follow me on twitter @glamgrunge or email me at cinemascreenandspandex@gmail.com

Daniel Morris.

Muppet Madness

Muppet Madness

Sorry, but there will once again be no Sunday Lister this week. This is due to the fact that after three months of waiting I went to see The Muppets date and like a kid at Christmas, I must have an outlet to tell you lovely people what I thought of it. 

The Muppets was not perfect, it overran a tad, a few of the cameos didn’t work and some of the cuts felt a bit jumpy leading to a few of the gags being lost. That being said, it was still pretty great and a very enjoyable movie. It didn’t quite live up to my super super high expectations, but to be honest, it would have had to been nothing short of outstanding to do so. 

What the film did prove though, was that The Muppets still have it. And boy do they have it in abundance. In a world where you can get an App to manage your App’s and your thoughts are limited to a 140 characters, The Muppets proved that you don’t have to be high-tech to be good and a bit of old school tomfoolery will never go a miss. 

The key to the Muppets success? Well they certainly don’t take themselves seriously that’s for sure. They don’t preach political messages; they don’t over confuse the humour with dramatic plot points and twists. They are what they are. They’re the Muppets and their fun. 

What you see is what you get with Kermit and company. Yes, the story will be quite obvious; the lessons learnt will be ones we already know and there will be fart jokes by the handful. But you will smile at Fozzie Bear’s rubbish puns, you will laugh at 80s Robot’s dated references and you will want Animal to play the drums so bad. 

In any other context, these gags probably wouldn’t work. But, The Muppets deliver them with such conviction and vigour, that you can’t help but love them. What you see is what you get with Kermit and the others. They know exactly what they are and who their audience is and they don’t complain about it. They’re honest about their humour and who can blame them with that. 

It takes a special breed of person to embrace the qualities of a Muppet. But, Jason Segal, Amy Adams and the majority of the cameos in the film (bar Sarah Silverman) do it with gusto. These actors are pretty much real life Muppets themselves, adding to The Muppets superb class of puppets without missing a beat. 

One of Brett McKenzie’s songs poses the question ‘Man or Muppet’. Despite being a good song, I think it’s flawed because can’t we be both?

Gotta love them Commies, ey?

Until next time, enjoy the show.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter @glamgrunge

Or email me at  cinemascreenandspandex@gmail.com

Daniel Morris

The Bafta's are Broke

The Baftas are Broke

This Sunday, The Orange British Academy Film Awards graces our presence with a host of British and American films hoping to get awards. Films such as The Descendants and The Artist are fighting it out for the best film gong; where as favourite to take the Academy award George Clooney has fierce competition against Brit’s Michael Fassbender and Gary Oldmen for their roles in Shame and Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy respectively. 

With a few of Hollywood’s top stars looking to be there, everybody is sure to be excited? Well, quite frankly, I’m not. Why? Well the Baftas are Broke. I understand that all Award shows are biased to a certain degree, that’s the nature of the beast and I’m OK with that. But, surely the Baftas takes the cake. 

The Bafta awards are so biased towards British films that I for one have lost all interest. Normally the nominees are biased towards British films and actors. This year seems to be a bit better than others for Bafta nominees as most of the people nominated could have a case made for deserving the award. I think this is due to the fact that The Academy Awards nominations are pretty dreadful this year, so the Baftas couldn’t get much worse. 

However, what’s bad about the nominations is I already know who is going to win. I already know that George Clooney will be beat by Fassbender or Oldman; I know that Kenneth Branagh, Jim Broadbent or Christopher Plummer will win the supporting actor category and I know that Meryl Streep has a good chance of winning for her portrayal of British ex-Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher. 

Why do I think these people will win? Have I acquired a secret X men ability to predict the future and have decided to use those powers to predict award shows instead of saving the world? Not quite. It’s because all the nominations I have named have the British connection. They are either British or are playing someone who is British. The rule for the Baftas is, if you’re British, you’ll have a pretty good chance. 

This shouldn’t be the case. I understand that we should support our British Heritage and build the British Film Industry, but, the Baftas are doing it wrong. Have separate categories for British films and I could see it working. But, putting British films in with every other film, then having that film win, isn’t proof that us Brits can make great films, it just makes the Baftas look like a Joke. 

It makes them look so bad, that Hollywood stars rarely turn up, making what could be a respectable showcase of British Television into a ‘who’s who’ of British actors and B list celebrities maybe with the odd superstar who got confused at the airport and ended up on our shores. 

With a few tweaks the Baftas could be great, but until they fix the bias they will remain broke. 

Until next time, enjoy the show.

Feel free to comment below. Or tweet me at @glamgrunge

Daniel Morris.

I didn't expact that to happen

I didn’t expect that to happen. 

This title could be misleading. You could be led to believe that I consider something the WWE has done recently to be surprising. You would be wrong. Albeit, exciting and promising, The WWE is predictable as ever. D Bry will probably fight Sheamus, Jericho will face Orton and HHH will battle against The Undertaker. 

The last one probably is as unsurprising as going round to Ultimate Warrior’s house to find him wearing a clown outfit and punching a Gorilla in the face. The WWE love booking The Undertaker in rematches now and no matter how much they’re trying to double bluff, Trips will fight the Deadman at Wrestlemania 28. 

What is surprising is that they have actually made me care about it already. Last night on Raw, HHH came down and explained why he declined The Undertaker’s challenge. He said that instead of being scared of Taker, all he felt was sorry for him. He went on to say that he didn’t want to have a rematch with Taker because he knows how far he would have to go to end it and he doesn’t want to be that guy. 

After HHH had finished an Undertaker video package aired. In this video package, The Phenom (man he has a lot of nicknames), claimed that the victory over HHH last year mean nothing, because of how it happened. He offered Trips one more shot at immortality to face him again this year. You know what. These two promos made me want to see the match again. 

Before this, I didn’t want to see Triple H and Undertaker again. Yes, it would be a good match, but I just didn’t care about it. Know I do. Because it makes sense. I agree with HHH’s reason for not wanting to fight The Undertaker. If you admired (no homo) someone so much and you knew that you could beat them, but you’d have to end his career. I imagine you would be pretty hesitant to except. 

However, what makes more sense is The Undertakers urge to have another match. The man prides himself on his WM record. Having that record tarnished by a victory that could have so easily not been, must hurt like hell. Something he needs to redeem. 

These emotional back stories make complete sense. Too many times has The WWE tried to explain something and not really quite done it. For example, I still quite don’t get why Kane is wanting Cena to embrace the hate? Does he want to start an evil Justice League? I’m not sure. Maybe he just wants a new chess partner. 

But what I do get is why both Triple H and The Undertaker want and don’t want a match at Wrestlemania. This has made me immediately care about something I could have previously given two rats about. Proof that good storytelling makes good TV. You should take note WWE, you can do it occasionally. 

Until next time, enjoy the show.

Daniel Morris.

Feel free to comment below.

Follow @glamgrunge, or email at cinemascreenandspandex@gmail.com

Well that was underwhelming

Well that was underwhelming 

A lot has been said about this year’s Rumble, but guess what? You’re going to get one more opinion. And you’re going to like it. Or maybe not, whatever. I first want to say that I didn’t hate the Rumble, there were some good bits and at least the WWE gave us and original winner. Face it, some people may have guessed Sheamus, but he wouldn’t have been everybody’s first pick. At a time where it’s hard for the WWE to hide much from the internet community and the ‘smarks’, then at least we can give them credit for that.

My problem with this year’s Rumble was it was just underwhelming. All the matches bar the Rumble, finished exactly how I thought they would, Bryan won sneakily, Punk retained, Funoksaurus Squashed someone and Cena vs. Kane had an open ending. OK, all these results were right in advancing their respective storylines, but the booking of them was off.

Every finish just felt flat. It just felt that the WWE was holding back. This was totally the wrong call. The Rumble is the start of the ‘Road to Wrestlemania’; it should be filled with surprises and an exciting build for the biggest card of the year. This Rumble just didn’t do any of that. If anything it made me feel a bit flat for an event that I am personally travelling half way across the World to see. That’s a bad thing.

The Rumble match itself was similar to the PPV as a whole. The match wasn’t terrible. There were some entertaining spots, funny moments and entertaining participants. But, it still just felt flat. Personally I think this was due to a lack of Star Power throughout the match, a few big guys started, and a few finished it, but in the middle there was just a lot of filler.

Plus, bar Sheamus, no one has a great Rumble. The Royal Rumble is a place to make a star. But this one didn’t, yes The Miz and Cody were in The Rumble for a good while, but they didn’t do anything that spectacular. It’s worth pointing out that The Road Dogg probably got the biggest pop of the night. I like the Road Dogg, but when it comes down to it, he was no more than a mid-card tag wrestler. An old mid-card tag wrestler got the biggest pop of the night. I think that says it all really.

As a side note, I just want to comment on this week’s Raw. I thought it was great. It had a great blend of entertaining promos, good wrestling and that ‘Wow’ factor, that gets you immediately excited for Mania. However, as a downside it just annoys me that the creative team know how to put on good shows, as they can do it on a free Raw, then why on earth can’t they do it at the Rumble. Which is what I imagine to be one of the easier shows to book. 

Until next time, enjoy the show. 

Daniel Morris. 

Feel free to comment below, follow me on twitter @glamgrunge and email at cinemascreenandspandex@gmail.com